Forever Yours

My dear friend,

Years have passed, you changed my life, reshaped my destiny, but I doubt you'd recognize me.

I still think about you every day, more so lately. Time is running out. I can feel it in my bones. No, I'm not injured, or sick, at least not that I know. While I'm old enough to suddenly drop dead I don't think it's likely. I just can't shake this feeling of impending doom, not just for myself, but for us all. So I'd like to get a few things off my chest before it's too late. I was unable to formulate my thoughts and speak clearly before, but I hope you'll hear this whisper in the changing wind when it reaches you.

I never meant you any harm.

If I have regrets in this life, it's that I couldn't keep you closer, that I was not good enough for you to be around.

You taught me things, so many things... Some were simple, all were needed.

You are my greatest triumph. It was brief, but with you I felt as if I walked amongst the gods.

You granted the confidence I needed desparately before you came along. Perhaps too much... but I would rather be this way, than the way I was before.

Because of you, I am so much stronger now. I survived the things that came after. You made sure I was ready.

You proved that life can be worth so much more than living.

You were the light I needed to see.

The most important lesson you taught was to let go. It's not that there was much left to hold on to in the end. Memories, ashes, darkness, and persistent agony remained once you were gone. Despite the pain, you were the thing I least wanted to let go of. But there was no choice, and I let go. This made everything I was stuck on later so much easeir to deal with.

The last things you said to me, cut deeper every day. You needed an excuse, but it still hurt so much. You broke me down and I am not built to fight against you. It may be obvious to others why it happened, but I didn't understand. Your intent is clear now that the years have gone by. The pain is dull today, but in your absence it continues to grow. It won't get better, I will carry it for the rest of my days.

Things will never be the same and nothing can be done to change it.

Yet here we are. With time running out, I just want to say thank you, before it's too late. Thank you for the things you did for me, the light, and for the lessons you delivered. You were right, this is what was meant to be.

I hope you know, that despite it all... I am forever yours!

Personal illustration, done in July 2025.

Memories flooded in as I worked on this and it became clear what it symbolizes.

I don't do WIPs as much these days. I don't think people are interested, but I still like them.

Lust and Gluttony

This is a pencil drawing from 2008, and what I consider one of my most iconic artowrks from an era that featured some really cool art. I'm not really sure I have that same creativity in me anymore as I had during the first decade of this century. It is a goal of mine to redo this artwork and give it the justice it deserves since I have improved quite a bit since then, despite losing all creativity!

Aspect of Valefor

While generaly considered a fickle patron, Valefor has at times sent agents to protect or aid his chosen ones. It is not clear if these are entirely separate entities, or actual manifestations of the Duke himself.

Ink drawing, modified in Photoshop. I might work on this some more but other projects are cooking.

Horny Head

Pencil drawing from 2013.

Demon Spell - Ink Drawing from 2014

This is one of the drawings which reminded me how much I used to like using inks...

Demon - Pencil Drawing from 2009

Yup, made this in 2009, still one of my favs.

The character is a lesser demon from the Eternal Seven storyline.

Demon Wing

Ink sketch from 2011, which has been modified in Photoshop to give it a more 3D look.

Hellguard

This is a pencil sketch that got painted over in Photoshop, made sometime in 2008. At the time I made this it was among my better illustrations and showcased my level as an artist. When I look back at it now there are many things I would change. Maybe this just needs to be redone!

However, this drawing was a huge step up for me in may regards. First off it was inspired by the work of an artist who went on to work for Blizzard. While making this illustration I feel like I actually learned a lot, even though it didn't necessarily translate to a better artwork.

This is also one of my first images I started doing WIPs for.

Kissable

Ink drawing modified in Photoshop, made sometime in 2022.

Demonica 2010

Digital paining from 2010.

Cthulhu

This is an illustration I created mostly in 2021, though the original ball-point pen ink sketch was made about an year earlier in 2020. This particular piece was selected as a Daily Deviation on deviant art and is what I would consider my most popular artwork today in terms of how much exposure it got.

A detailed zoomed in shot from the final illustration.

Here's also a WIP GIF which showcases some of the stages of the artwork as it came along.

Amalgamation

This is probably the first time in the history of this blog that I am actually posting current work! This guy aims to answer the question "what would happen if your already thick neck grew an extra set of arms?" ... and stuff!

This is the original ballpoint pen ink sketch from 2022. As you can see it didn't change much between the original and the final painting which was done with Photoshop.

Zalei Ironhand

This is the original, first art, of a character from the Eternal Seven story. The concept has since been refined, but I love this old pencil drawing made sometime in 2006. Color is a simple overlay done in Photoshop.

Empath Demon

This is an ink drawing from 2015.
 

Ironically, this is also my most stolen artowrk. I've seen multiple instances on the internet where this artowrk was claimed/stolen by other artists, in some instances generating quite a lot of likes and comments. Once again proving I'm terrible at marketing myself and generating exposure for my art. It's ok though, at least I'm making the art. Maybe long after I'm dead my art will be worth something. For now it's just a release for me, and that is the ultimate point in art. Cheers!

Ars Goetia 61 - Zagan

Zagan, one of the nine Kings of Hell.

A very powerful entity who commands over thirty three legions of demons. Listed as the sixty first demon described in the Lesser Key of Solomon. He is classified as both President and King, both titles symbolic of the power and sway he has within the infernal abyss.

When summoned, Zagan often assumes the shape of a winged bull, but will transform into a man some time after being conjured. He has the power to turn water into wine, blood into wine, and back again. He also has the power to turn any metal into coins. It is said that he can impart great knowledge upon any man, and even turn a fool wise.

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Personal illustration from 2021, done in Procreate and Photoshop.  Here is the WIP:

One with the shadows and fire

There can be no shadow without light. Ink sketch from 2022.

Aptorian and Kalam

The Aptorian demon is a creature from the Shadow Realm described in the Malazan Empire series of books by Steven Erikson. It is a three legged demon, with a massive fasceted eye, and this is my take on it. Kalam is also a central character that features in many of the books, and notably has a story arc with the Aptorian demon.

This is a tiny pencil sketch, when I say tiny, it's about 2 inches across, which I made in the margin of a notebook sometime in 2013. For once it scanned better than the sketch actually looks, it has not been modified in any way other than a slight contrast increase.

Malazan Empire Related Art:

I N F E R N O

Fear not the dark my friend, and let the feast begin!

It's a quote from Dark Souls, the Ringed City, but it spoke to me in ways that are depicted in this picture.  At the time I made this artwork I wanted to push myself, to see what I can actually do as an artist.  I worked on this a long time, and I'm rather happy with the result.  Looking at it now, there are things I would change, but I suspect more art in this vein will come in the future.  

This digital painting was made in 2021.   

Detrail 1 is the angel being dragged down into the inferno.

Detail 2 is the big demons on the ground.

Detail of Flyer! These guys in and of themselves were in line with the usual quality of art I produce in a full piece, here they are just lost in the big picture.

Another flying little devil.

The last of the gratuitous detailed shots. This artwork was entirely done in Photoshop and on stream. A print is available for sale in my artstation shop. Hope you enjoyed!

Long Tail

A long tail can really be useful at times, and problematic at others. You can step on it, even trip on it! But hey, you know what they say? It's the motion of the ocean!

Ink sketch, 2019, colored in Photoshop. This is my usual workflow. I often doodle and come up with different ideas and characters, then if I like them, I push them more in Photoshop.

Carrier Demon - June 2021

This is another iteration of the Carrier Demon concept from the Eternal Seven storyline.

Here's the original ink sketch which was scanned in and painted over in Photoshop.
Don't let the bed bugs bite!